KFC is advertising a new bunless sandwich on the buns of college women at university campuses . Select women are paid $500 to wear fitted sweatpants and handout coupons.

Though the world’s largest chicken chain, consistently falling sales seem to indicate the brand is losing its hold. According to a USA Today article, the chain recently admitted that six in 10 Americans in their primary demographic, ages 18 to 25, could not identify the man in the KFC logo. You might remember Colonel Sanders.

Let’s imagine that this promotional campaign was the Colonel’s advertising idea. Afterall, most entrepreneur types have an active hand in all aspects of their business. I bet the email he sent in a fit of early morning genius would have gone something like this:

From: Harland “Colonel” Sander
To: Marketing staff, Ad agency
Re: Booty Billboards

I know we’ve all been working diligently to address stagnant sales with creative and strategic approaches. I’m not entirely confident in our product mix, especially the new Double Down sandwich. So, I’m proposing an advertising idea that I believe will help drive our much-needed sales, given that timely service, quality food and clean restrooms seem too difficult to achieve.

Since we’re trying to reach people 18 to 25, including young women, I propose paying women for the use of their bodies; their posterior particularly. You’ve seen those sweatpants with words written all over the butt. Frankly, I find them unbecoming, but people these days don’t seem bothered by them, so we might as well get on board. I spoke with my two daughters, Mildred and Margaret, and they think it’s a great idea.

Some young women could momentarily find our request to advertise on their backsides offensive, but we’ll just pay them a healthy sum and they’ll forget. In fact, they’ll likely be happier about being selected and deemed pretty enough to wear the sweatpants than they will be about the money. I realize this campaign could seem as distasteful as those sweatpants are themselves, but we’re not the demographic. Young people won’t mind.

Additionally, using ‘buns’ to advertise a bunless sandwich will be a great way to reinforce product recall and raise brand awareness. When I started my business serving chicken dinners in the living room of my apartment at the service station, I would never have imagined we’d have opportunities like this to spread the word. I trust those ad dollars will be money well spent. Too, if we’re fortunate, the buzz from the campaign will get picked up in press and further reinforce our positive brand image.

Finally, I’m so confident this campaign will be a success, I’m donating a percentage of the proceeds from the Double Down sandwich to our ongoing charitable efforts at The Colonel Harland Sanders Family Care Center at Trillium Health Centre. You may recall that the Center specializes in serving the needs of women and children in Mississauga, Canada. To further extend our social initiatives, it may make sense to encourage our sweatpants girls to donate to the cause as well.

I’m open to your thoughts, but I think these booty billboards will be a critical marketing component as we pull ourselves out of this sales slump.

Let’s make it happen,

The Colonel

Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonel_Sanders, Photo: Business Wire http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2010-09-22-kfc22_ST_N.htm